Keep That Nose Out

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Hey everyone

Hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not ok, well that is ok too. Well, I am tired and hungry so I guess that means I am HANGRY! I do have a big appetite at the moment due to a lot of comfort eating at the moment so I am trying to reign myself back in, which is so hard. I am at that point where everything looks like food, you know like in the movies and TV shows where you’re talking to someone and they turn into a hotdog. But I will get there, food is a crutch that I am trying to kick away, easier said than done.

So I am still going through some ups and downs, but slowly getting back up that hill. Right now I know my problem is I am not focused on myself, I need to start being a little selfish and put my self-care first once in a while. Anyone with mental health illness especially bipolar, you kind of have a fear of people walking away from you built into your illness. Hence why I always want to make sure the people around me are ok even if it means I am not.

So this leads me to a tip of the dayKeep that nose where it is!

I am so guilty of putting my big nose into other people’s business so many times, and it has 75% of the time it has just put me in the firing line. I can say hand on heart when I have done this it has always been with good intentions, but when you are caught up in a situation those good intentions are just none existent.
Let’s look at it, when you put yourself in a situation that has nothing to do with you, you end up causing yourself unnecessary stress and anxiety. Which then snowballs into low moods and paranoia and then around you go in a vicious cycle.

I can’t stress this enough, why add more to the weight you carry on your shoulders? I am going to take my own advice because I am sick and tired of being put in the middle of situations that have nothing to do with me. Be a friendly ear for people and give advise but that is where the line is drawn. My mental health is so precious to me and I will no longer put that at risk anymore. We have our own battles to face why fight other people’s, because really would they fight yours??

Take care,

Vixxy Rose
xxx

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The Comfort Blanket Can Also Strangle

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Hey everyone,

I hope you all are doing ok and if you are not ok well remember that’s ok too. Well, I think my mood has now really turned a good corner, sometimes though when it does that I worry that I am going into a manic cycle. So I am trying my best to keep my feet firmly on the ground.

I thought today I would talk about “crutches”. What I mean by this if you don’t know, many people including myself have crutches that they use when they are trying to get better or to lean on while they are dealing with a difficult time. I didn’t realize my crutches were my crutches until my first therapist explained it to me a few years ago. I have positive crutches, which are my music, reading, my care box etc.
Crutches can be a marvelous thing and really help during a difficult time. But sometimes those crutches get used so much that they become a part of the problem. So something that can start as a positive can slowly become into a negative, I believe some of my crutches have turned from a positive to a negative.
I believe I have an addictive personality and I have used some straight out negative crutches in the past like self-harm, smoking, drinking and even sex. While those are obvious ones that are straight out bad to lean on, it’s the ones that start out good and turn bad are just as equally dangerous.
For example, for me my music is a massive crutch, I will use it when I am out and about and when I am feeling low. What started off as a distraction from my social anxiety and my feeling’s slowly turned into an addiction. There have been times I have realise I have forgot my headphones when I have started to head out somewhere. I have caused myself anxiety and panic to a point I have turned around and gone home to get them, even if it meant that I was late going somewhere.

This brings me onto a tip of a day really, which is “self-control”.

Yes a comfort blanket is great and nothing beats that’s feeling of escaping reality for a bit and forgetting what is going on around, but you can’t use that comfort blanket 24/7 as it will start getting stinky and need to go in the wash. Then as soon as it is gone then it is a hard fall back to reality, and then you are back at square one and need that comfort again. So self-control is needed as we can be so wrapped up in the blanket and we end up being strangled by it. Learn to use positive crutches when we need them, because why add to your list of problems to overcome. Keep the positives positive and negatives far away from you as possible.

Take care,

Vixxy Rose
xxx

My Mental Health Toolbox

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is doing well and if you are not remember that is ok too. So as you all know I have been in a really bad funk of a low cycle and it has really taken its toll on me. I am one of those people when I get mentally run down I can get physically run down and now due to a bad cold I have developed laryngitis, so sadly I have lost my voice :(. I may have physically lost my voice but I haven’t lost my voice on here, it was recently mental health awareness day and it was great to see the response and the support of people. But to me every day should be mental health awareness day, I will never stop trying to destroy the stigma to mental health and support not only myself but also others going through a mental illness.

So today I want to talk a little bit about medication, I have been asked a lot by people how do I cope not being on medication? Well, I have been on medication on and off for years and during the times I am not on medication prescribed to me I take a lot of herbal supplements. I have got to a point again where I know I will need to go medication again I have an appointment with my psychologist next week to determine what medication is going to be best.
Being on medication doesn’t make you weak and I know a lot of people feel like it is, but I know in myself I get to a point that I can’t keep fighting things on my own I need help. For instance if  you decide to do a boxing match you don’t just put on your boxing gloves and do it, you train to prepare your body for the task. It’s the same with mental illness you cant just wake up one day and be like ok I just beat it today, sadly not that simple you need the right tools to do so. But if people would like me to do a post on the natural supplements I take just drop me a message and a comment and I will do one :).

Tackling mental illness takes many different tools, try to picture a toolbox and think what would go in it.

This is mine:

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I have talking, therapy, friends, medication, research, and hope! I know I will gain tools and lose tools over time, but what is in your toolbox?

Take care all,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

 

Don’t call me crazy!

 

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Hey everyone,

Well it’s nearly another week down, am I the only person who is thinking how is it October already? Well at least that means Christmas is only round the corner :). I hope everyone is feeling well and if you not, then remember that is ok too. I think I am in between; I am neither well nor not well. Which is good because I think I have definitely turned a corner, since these last few weeks have been so hard.
Well there was one thing that angered me this week…

Tip of the day actually no tip of the century- don’t call me fucking crazy!

There is sadly still a lot of people out there who are still very closed minded and think mental health issues are just a load of nonsense, well I had a run in with one of those people.
I was having a conversation with someone who I see on my bus everyday and usually we get on just fine the usual chit-chat like, how are you? English weather eh what a pain in the ass. Well the other day a man got on my bus that is one of those people who everyone knows in the local area. This man is well-known to have mental health issues and unfortunately we live in a world where apparently that is everyone else’s business. Well this person turned around and scoffed at me and grunted fucking crazy people!
Ohhhh did I see fucking red, I grunted straight back fucking closed-minded people. Said person looked at me utterly confused, I sat up from my sit and moved as far away from her as I could.
This made me think a lot about how acceptable it seems to be to call a person crazy, a lot of people say it in passing and its generally laughed at. But if a person was to comment on someone’s colour, sexual orientation, age and even size, most the time and I am not saying all the time, there is an uproar. But when a person is called crazy that is ok? Fuck that!
People with mental health are not fucking crazy and from my experience they are the most caring, sensitive and giving people in this world. They deal with invisible illness that controls every aspect of their life and most the time do it with a smile.
Well rant over, but seriously things do need to change with the way it is acceptable in society to make fun of someone with mental health issues, it shouldn’t be ok or the norm to call people crazy. But you know what I rather be classed as a crazy person then a closed-minded hypercritical asshole who thinks it is ok to judge another human being by an illness they have no control over having, see it is not nice being judged. So really am I the crazy one or is that you? Ok rant wasn’t quite over with but it is now.

Take care all,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

Why I Had A Self Care Break

 

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is ok and if you are not, remember that it is ok not to be ok :). I guess I have got some explaining to do, I kind of took a hiatus from my blog and my social media for a few days as I was in desperate need of self-care. I wouldn’t class it as a low cycle though, I really do think I understand my Cyclothymia a lot better to know this time it wasn’t the cause of this.

I am going to turn it into a tip of the day– Warning signs!

I would say for the last few weeks I have made some mistakes in either not recognizing my warning signs or ignoring them completely, which I know was fucking stupid of me. It was like I was sitting in a room and it started filling up with smoke and the fire alarm is ringing away and I am just sitting there reading a book going la la la it is not happening.
For the last few weeks, things have esculated with a family situation, at this moment I won’t discuss, and I was pushing my feelings away just so I can concentrate on others. Well that blew up in my face, last weekend I literally reached a breaking point and I was sobbing my heart out and overcome with such sadness I decided to blog about it. I finished the post and gave it to my partner to read, which I rarely do, and he was like “babe you can’t post this”. I took my laptop back off him and re-read what I wrote and what started as a letter to my family explaining how I felt, slowing turned into a suicide note. It was then I knew I had taken on too much on my shoulders and it had broken me and I needed to put the pieces of my mind back together.
After a few days of self-care and honestly some selfishness, I feel better. Yes, the situation is stilling going on but I know now I can’t deal with it the way I was. I need to remember my feelings matter as well as other people’s, I cannot fix everything and when the warning signs are going off don’t ignore them or I will get burnt again.

So my advice to myself and to others, if the warning signs are going off please don’t ignore them stop drop and roll into some self-care as it will save your life.

 

Take care all,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

I Need To Slow The F**k Down

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is doing ok, and if you are not doing ok remember that’s ok too. I am doing better than I was a few weeks ago, I have noticed though even though my cycles of high and low frequency is getting lower the time recovering from them is getting higher. I keep finding things that are triggering me more and more but I think I have gotten to the bottom of it….

Which leads me onto my Tip Of The Day is…

Don’t run before you can walk.

I think I can get so caught up in the relieve of getting through a cycle whether it’s a high or low, I am so thankful to have my mind back and having the dark cloud of depression and the bitch of anxiety off my back, my self-care just goes out the window. I need to slow the fuck down and take a breather.
It’s like running a marathon and just going for a jog after, not relaxing my body after and let it recover. Yes, it is a victory to get through a cycle but I am putting all of my focus on that and not on the bigger picture. For example, I have gone through a low cycle and then proceeded to put myself in the middle of a situation that is a trigger for me. I should have waited and let my mind recover instead of pushing myself too soon, the consequences of this caused the bitch of anxiety to come back from under her rock.
I seem to have a plan of self for care during these cycles, but what about in between? I cannot keep being so reckless with my mind as it is so delicate.
There is a lot more help and information for depression and anxiety and mental health problems in general, but what about the part between the lines?
It is so easy to get caught up in the joy of when you are feeling better, but try to not let it slip your mind that you still need to keep your focus.
If you feel that something is too much for you to handle don’t push yourself too hard your mind has just run a marathon it needs time to recover, yes you are a superhero but even superheroes need their rest.
Me personally I know when I write things down I can process things a lot easier, so I am going to try and carry on my lists of tiny victories most days. So when the time comes to a situation where I feel like I need to do something but I don’t want to, I can look at my list and say no to myself as I have achieved a lot today I don’t need to push myself.

Take care,

Vixxy Rose
xxx

Fertility And Me

 

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Hey everyone,

So I got tagged in a great post a few days ago by the lovely Post IVF world . Please check out the post, it is fantastic and a great insight into someone who really is a real fertility warrior. So, on her blog she has posted someone questions for people to answer, which she has answered herself.

I wanted to dedicate a post to my answers to her questions, as I believe that it is important to keep spreading awareness for those struggling with fertility issues.

So here it goes…

Are you male or female?
Female
Where are you in your infertility journey?
I am currently doing more and more research into my condition, and I due to a miscarriage last year I have now started my journey with doctors in investigating my chances of conceiving naturally and how to improve my chances.
What is your infertility diagnosis if you have one?
I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome suffered a burst ectopic pregnancy which meant I had a to have a fallopian tube removed.
How old were you when you got your diagnosis and how old are you now?
I was 17 when I finally got my diagnosis, after many years of begging the doctors for help.
What do you do to keep your spirit’s up on the tough days?
I have to say my blog has been a massive help recently in keeping up my spirits lately. Also going to sound stupid but I have had a reading with a psychic which really helped me, I don’t care if people think that stuff is a load of rubbish what was said to me was 37ce6ebc806a17d92e4db0b3665a2229--infertility-quotes-pcos-infertility.jpgnot. I also have 3 beautiful nephews and friends with children who I consider my nieces and nephew.
How do you feel you have been treated by medical professionals?
Awfully I haven’t had any help really until recently when I asked for help with checking my chances in conceiving, that’s only one symptom of many I have. I have been told I am fat and looked down by doctors most of the information I now know about PCOS I have learned from my own research.
Have you been offered support of any kind?
None what so ever, and as a confused 17 years old that has had some damaging effects.
If so have you had any?
I have had therapy where I have talked about my fertility problems as well as my mental health.
How do your issues affect you on a day to day basis?
There are many symptoms of PCOS, weight gain, mental health, pain, tiredness, hair loss are the main ones. I deal with every single one of these on a daily basis.
If you could tell yourself something back when you were first diagnosed what would it be?
Don’t take no for an answer, make them help you understand your condition.

Where those were my answers, to those fertility warriors out there, have a go at these questions and see if it will help you understand where you are now with your fertility and where you want to be.

Take care

Vixxy Rose

xxx